(Inspired by WordPress.com’s Daily Prompt http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2012/11/05/daily-prompt-9/)
Despite what many people in the world might say, Shelby ‘No Soul’ Thiel is very deserving of life for the three following reasons:
1) I’ve already invested too much money in her. Over the past two years I’ve spent at least 40 dollars on buying her birthday presents. Count in the occasional lunch, plus the cost of gas I used on the handful of trips I made to her hill-top mansion, and I’d say I’ve put at least 60 dollars into this friendship. That’s pretty good considering I hate most people and love my money a lot. To have her not exist would really suck because I’m never going to see that money again.
2) If she wasn’t around, I wouldn’t have anyone to pick on all the time. Who will be at the receiving end of my hatred for the 1%, the red-headed banshees, and overt sexism? It’s too much work to find another punching bag. It’s too exhausting to break someone else in.
3) Her dad makes a killer prime rib and I’m not ready to give that up. I wish she had a sister, or a cousin or somebody that I could use to marry into the family. That prime-rib is straight up delicious.
Is that 300 words?